I'm afraid I'd knock the crap out of the sheriff and/or the mayor, even if they had their goons standing by and end up in jail. "Hey son, come and get your moma out of jail."
I would curse in Spanish ...hijo de la .....
And most of all when they started quoting numbers my eyes would glaze over and I'd be thinking of a trip to Brackins' for a beer instead of listening...

Really I couldn't afford prescription drugs even with a discount. That's the main reason I went off blood pressure meds...no choice but to get up off my arse and move.